Today was a great day – I made it all the way through my church meetings! Last week I only lasted a few minutes because the seizure prevention medicine made me so drowsy I just had to get up and walk to stay awake. Yesterday was not such a great day. The drowsiness was overwhelming. My husband and I went to the Downtown Farmers Market in Salt Lake City. The heat was in the 90’s and wow did I get tired quickly. On the other hand, it was actually a pretty great day. I really noticed strongly how everything I experience now seems to be filtered through the lens of my diagnosis.
For example, I really appreciate great artwork, thinking that I want to be surrounded with stimulating colors and beautiful things while I recuperate. We ran into Kelly Dick, who owns KDick Pottery and we bought lots of her beautiful pieces to decorate our new bathroom. We bought a whale, a seahorse, and a couple of fishes. These will remind me of freedom, and “going with the flow” during my recovery.
Another example is that I was getting super thirsty and would have grabbed anything to drink when we came upon the Vive Juicery booth. Talk about yummy and healthy! I thought how blessed I was to discover these fresh, pure juices and how I will drink them a few days before my surgery to do a sort of cleanse. Normally I would just enjoy the juices and not think so much about how they would benefit my brain.
I am at peace and joyful and happy, but I think about the tumor constantly. That is so annoying! I frequently invite myself into the present moment, but the thoughts are hard to stop. Other times I embrace the thoughts and have a lovely conversation with the tumor, whom I call Emily (not sure why I chose that name, but it means “industrious”), thanking her for the lessons she has brought me and encouraging her to be patient because the surgeon is coming to free her from my head so she can move forward.
I really like my job because I keep busy, I focus on other people, and I don;t have much of a chance to succumb to the drowsiness. But still I see so much through the eyes of my diagnosis. I wonder when that will go away?
Only 15 days until surgery! Yahoo!!!