Farmer’s Market

Today was a great day – I made it all the way through my church meetings! Last week I only lasted a few minutes because the seizure prevention medicine made me so drowsy I just had to get up and walk to stay awake. Yesterday was not such a great day. The drowsiness was overwhelming. My husband and I went to the Downtown Farmers Market in Salt Lake City. The heat was in the 90’s and wow did I get tired quickly. On the other hand, it was actually a pretty great day. I really noticed strongly how everything I experience now seems to be filtered through the lens of my diagnosis.
KDick PotteryFor example, I really appreciate great artwork, thinking that I want to be surrounded with stimulating colors and beautiful things while I recuperate. We ran into Kelly Dick, who owns KDick Pottery and we bought lots of her beautiful pieces to decorate our new bathroom. We bought a whale, a seahorse, and a couple of fishes. These will remind me of freedom, and “going with the flow” during my recovery.
ViveAnother example is that I was getting super thirsty and would have grabbed anything to drink when we came upon the Vive Juicery booth. Talk about yummy and healthy! I thought how blessed I was to discover these fresh, pure juices and how I will drink them a few days before my surgery to do a sort of cleanse. Normally I would just enjoy the juices and not think so much about how they would benefit my brain.
Farmers MarketI am at peace and joyful and happy, but I think about the tumor constantly. That is so annoying!  I frequently invite myself into the present moment, but the thoughts are hard to stop. Other times I embrace the thoughts and have a lovely conversation with the tumor, whom I call Emily (not sure why I chose that name, but it means “industrious”), thanking her for the lessons she has brought me and encouraging her to be patient because the surgeon is coming to free her from my head so she can move forward.
I really like my job because I keep busy, I focus on other people, and I don;t have much of a chance to succumb to the drowsiness. But still I see so much through the eyes of my diagnosis. I wonder when that will go away?

Only 15 days until surgery! Yahoo!!!

2 thoughts on “Farmer’s Market

  1. First of all, I LOVE your hat. It is so trendy, summery and fun. If it shows up missing while you’re in the hospital, you’ll know who took it.
    It’s so normal to always think about your tumor. It’s become the newest, foremost and most pressing issue in your life. It’s a big deal that needs to be addressed as such, so I really don’t think you should penalize yourself for thinking about it all the time.
    You have so much to look forward to upon it’s removal, so building anticipation is A-OK as far as I’m concerned.
    Lastly, I love the idea of doing a cleanse right before surgery. We already talked about how a big meal is a no-no, so way to come up with Plan B.
    Keep on keepin’ on. You got this.

    • Thanks Jen for reminding me not to penalize myself for thinking about the tumor all the time. I think I’m doing great at not beating myself up and then your comment made me realize that it is OK to make a big deal about something. It’s OK to NOT figure out ways to stop thinking about it. It’s all part of the experience. And thanks for loving my hat. It think it must have come across the plains with my pioneer ancestors, it is so old. But you can’t have it.

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