I have been working on being more active to fight fatigue so yesterday I washed my car. That’s unusual. I usually wash it about once a year. It sure looks better when it’s clean! Today I went to Tai Chi at the Senior Center. Tai Chi gives me an opportunity to be still. I must admit I found my mind wandering and began to focus on the health I have lost. I caught myself comparing today’s health to the health I experienced when I was young, like a teenager. How dumb is that? So I changed my thoughts to focus on what I have now and what I can do now, like bend over and touch the floor, and not get out of breath when doing the Tai Chi poses. I noticed too that I was focusing on physical health, so I took a closer look at my emotional, mental and spiritual health. I’ve come a long way since I was a teenager and don’t want to go backwards like I do on my physical health. I also invited myself into the present moment repeatedly, which Tai Chi is made for. Many other people at the Senior Center who took Tai Chi hung around afterwards to socialize. That was great. I could forget about myself and focus on getting to know other people. We all have a story. It’s nice to be on the journey together.
I have studied the meaning of dreams over the last several years. My husband and I used to moderate a dreamwork group at our house, and I teach dreamwork at the AHNA annual conference. I used to be a member of the International Association for the Study of Dreams. So I know a little about dreams. Last night I had a memorable one. Here it is: My husband is driving me to JC Penney’s to get a new outfit for work. About half way there I tell him we need to go back home because I will be late for work. It is to be my first day and I want to be on time. He says we have plenty of time and I say no, I still need to take a shower and get ready. Right after that a blue truck comes right at us head on. It hits our right headlight and spins out of control. My husband and I are not hurt at all, not even jarred. As the truck comes to a rest, I look over and see a woman passenger and a man driving. They are very calm and obviously not injured. There was something about them that was sort of friendly. Interestingly, I think that the accident would work as an excuse to be late for work that day, and I am relieved.
I worked the dream with my husband and have come to the conclusion so far that the dream is telling me that it will still be awhile before I can go back to work. It was interesting that the truck hit our headlight, symbolizing my eyesight. I’m a little disturbed that it hit my right eye, which is my “good” eye at this point. I also think the people in the truck symbolized my care providers and how they are good people and mean the best for me, but my current condition is a bit of a car wreck. And it’s OK that I’m not working yet. The fenders (my vision) will be repaired. Patience is key. If you have any ideas about the meaning of the dream, please add a comment.
I also found a scripture about patience this week. Jesus said,”In your patience possess ye your souls.” (Luke 21:19). I’m not sure exactly what that means, but it stands out for me. I tell people that I am learning patience, but I’m sure not learning it fast enough! Dreaming about it helps.
My husband and I went to a Healthy Lifestyles expo and had a great time. There were a lot of integrative health practitioners, and “alternative” therapies, like essential oils, juices, alkaline water, etc. Due to my experience with integrative health, I was fairly familiar with most of the information provided by vendors. Interestingly, we ran into three people we know. Salt Lake City is huge, so we didn’t really expect to see anyone we know. I think in some ways it shows how mainstream integrative healing is becoming. The picture I posted is of me and Sue Gronberg, from GIA Wellness. We had fun catching up and talking about electromagnetism and hydration. Who wouldn’t love that?
A few days ago I knew I had something wrong but decided to flush it away with lots of water and other natural remedies. I could have gone to a physician on Tuesday afternoon but kept telling myself stories like it was all my imagination and would go away. The bottom line is I didn’t want to spend the money and time to be treated. Well, and you already guessed how this ended, I got super sick on Tuesday night, lots of pain, and my husband took me to an urgent care center where I was diagnosed with a severe urinary tract infection. I got an antibiotic and when the physician asked if I wanted pain meds I said YES YES YES. I spent the next day pretty much in bed or on the couch and I’m feeling well now. For all I know about alternative remedies, sometimes (okay, most times) I just have to give in and seek medical attention. That’s what integrative health care is about – the use of both models for prevention and treatment. I am glad I had a physician handy, and I’m also glad that I’ve got other remedies handy, and I use them both. And sometimes one works better and quicker than the other. I’m fine with that. Get it? I’m fine. And drinking lots of water.
I had the CT scan this afternoon of my face, focusing on my left orbit. If I don’t hear anything today I’ll call my physician’s office tomorrow. My neuro ophthalmologist is going out of town on Friday for a week so I hope she confers with my neurosurgeon before she goes. I’d like to get the surgery date set soon. Assuming the CT scan reveals something that can be fixed with surgery…
I thought I already blogged about the out of body experience I had when I was hospitalized, but I can’t find it on the blog and too lazy to keep searching, so here it is. When I had my second surgery, the one where they had to take out some of my skull to alleviate the pressure from my swollen brain, I had the experience. I had been in a coma and this is the only memory I have from the coma. As my body was being wheeled to the OR on a gurney, I left my body and hovered over it, looking down at myself. I always thought I would get excited to have an out of body experience, but I was peaceful and it seemed dreamlike, and a little dark or dim. I didn’t have angels visit, no white light appeared, and I didn’t communicate with anyone or anything, just floated and observed calmly. When we arrived in the OR I lay down next to my body and put my head on the lap of a nurse who was sitting by my body. Now the weird part started: The nurse scooped black balls of energy out of my head (my spiritual head, not my physical head). I knew that she was taking away dark energy and I felt that it was the right thing to do. And that’s all I remember. I don’t remember re-entering my body. After the surgery I came slowly out of the coma over the next few days and as I said, that’s all I remember from when I was unconscious. The experience, although dreamlike, was very real and I have no doubt that it happened.
When I was a nursing student one of my patients had an out of body experience where he actually left the hospital and viewed the city from an airplane. He also watched his own surgery at the time. He said he figured out how to leave his body and could teach people. A;though I didn’t want to learn how to do it, I was always curious what that would be like. Now I know.
Some people have asked if I was given a choice to return to my body or not, but it wasn’t like that at all. I am not sure why I was given this experience, but it has caused me to lose a fear of death. I know there is life afterwards, and it is peaceful.
I had a wonderful time in Charlotte, North Carolina for the Board of Directors Meeting of the American Holistic Nurses Association. I served as the Adviser to the President. I was so impressed with the professionalism and caring exhibited by all the board members. They got down to work and are taking their responsibilities very seriously, but also had fun with the process. Thanks to their hard work, holistic nursing will become very familiar to the broad population. That’s exiting!
I was thrilled to be able to travel alone. It felt like an important step in my healing process. And although I couldn’t read all of the handouts, I was still able to keep up with the meeting and just really had a great time. It is an honor to be a member of the American Holistic Nurses Association.
Although my husband cleared the energy flux at the indoor track where we walk, I continued to feel one small spot of energy flux on the track. The spot was directly next to the supply room for the gym. Today I asked a gym worker to allow us access to the supply room. She was very nice and got a key and let us in. Interestingly, there were 4 electrical boxes on the wall aligned right where I could feel the flux on the track. Isn’t that interesting? It’s like I could feel the electricity on the track. My husband did some energy clearing and we will see tomorrow if I can still feel the flux.
Also related to energy work, tonight I had a massage and the therapist did some energy work on my head. So far I don’t notice any changes, but I could feel energy shifting as he worked. So we’ll see if he “fixed the flux.”
I am finally feeling “present” enough to actually use some of the alternative and holistic healing modalities I have learned. Today I meditated for an hour and used guided imagery to imagine a healing process for the cranial nerve that is causing my impaired vision. I also put a couple of essential oils (Thieves and The Shield) into my diffuser to treat my sore throat while I meditated. I find that even if nothing changes, I feel better about actually DOING something instead of just waiting for nature to take its course. To be clear though, my vision and fatigue should naturally clear up. It’s just nice to help them along, so I don’t feel like a victim.
I get drowsy every day after breakfast so I usually lay down and rest. Then it occurred to me that I could take advantage of this time and meditate. I have meditated for many years, sometimes regularly and sometimes not. One summer I meditated every day for an hour and i must say that was the most productive summer I have ever experienced. Emptying my mind during meditation has always come fairly easy to me. I have now meditated for 5 days and I’m having a hard time being still and empty. Weird. Today I used a mantra, “inhale, exhale,” which worked fairly well but I still can’t say I reached an authentic meditative state. I will keep practicing.
Well shoot! I have a sore throat! I remember my neurosurgeon’s nurse telling me that if I get an infection to call her. If the sore throat doesn’t go away by Friday then I will call her, but that means the surgery may be postponed. That will be a test of my new-found patience but that’s OK. Meanwhile I am focusing on balancing my throat chakra. Blue is the color of the throat chakra and I wore a blue outfit today to work. An unbalanced throat chakra may mean I am not speaking my truth, or not expressing myself. That’s why I am blogging right now, so perhaps this expression of my thoughts will clear my throat chakra. Today I had lunch with a dear friend and we chatted about deep values and beliefs. And tonight I chatted with a very old and dear friend – we met in 7th grade – and laughed and had a great time. So all of these things should strengthen my throat. Now looking at it from a more physical perspective I gargled with salt water, drank tons of water, chewed on a lot of Airborne, used essential oils, rested, and took some Micinex D, So I am being very holistic and “mind/body” in my approach to this. And if none of this works and the sore throat persists and the surgery is postponed, then what’s to worry about? All things will unfold exactly as they are supposed to .I have no need to control.
I do have to say that this morning as I was pulling out of my driveway, my youngest son was getting in his car preparing to leave for work too. I had a very strong impression to jump out of my car and hug him. I usually follow these impressions but I did not do it this morning. Instead I just drove off and he was on my mind all day. That was actually kind of nice, but I knew I needed to say something to him about it. So when I got home I told him about it and he said he would always gladly accept a hug from me anytime. Still not sure why I did not follow my prompting but I have to wonder if that contributed to my sore throat. The throat chakra is about expressing our truth, and jumping out of my car and hugging my son would have certainly been an expression of my love for him. So tomorrow I am going to add one more item to my throat chakra balancing treatment plan: When I feel the prompting to express myself, I’m going to do it! Just sayin’….