Embrace It

Today I met with  my mentor at the University of Utah College of Nursing and she gave me some great insights to ponder. I told her how I felt a bit frustrated because I can’t work full time due to my health (fatigue and double vision). Seems like I’ll never recover from the brain surgery I had almost 2 years ago. She said I should understand and appreciate that the work I am doing now, although not full-time, is important and valuable. I am just so used to being very active and working more than full-time, it is hard when forced to slow down. I judge myself according to previous standards, and certainly fall short. We also talked about hiring someone to do some housework for me. embrace1My first reaction was, I don’t work full-time so I can’t justify that. She said perhaps I should reserve my energy for things other than housework.  I didn’t think of that!
The insight I received from this conversation is that I am not embracing who I am right now. I focus too much on who I used to be and keep thinking that I will be better tomorrow, that this is a temporary situation that I can get through. I realized today that thinking like that takes me out of the present as I think about life in the future. It’s time for me to embrace who I am now, and enjoy this life the way it is now.
I’ve been thinking about going on a nursing mission for my church. I got excited and looked into it and then almost suddenly I realized wait a minute, I’m not healthy enough to do that! It’s like I forget or deny my current level of health.
I was talking to a girlfriend the other day who had just taught a class and I told her that she’s a great teacher. She denied it. I told her EMBRACE IT. Now it’s time for me to take my own advice and embrace who I am right now and enjoy what I can do and quit pushing myself or pretending I can do what I just can’t do right now. I will embrace it as if I had chosen it.

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