Feelings Embraced

feelings on and offAs you could tell from my previous blog my husband and I are planning to focus on what brings joy to our lives. This is more challenging than I thought it would be. I have been plagued with nausea the last few days (well, the last month actually) and it is tricky to focus on joy when I feel like throwing up!  So planning a trip or joyous adventure is going to take some commitment. I have seen my family physician and am doing some treatment for the nausea so I have hope to feel better soon.

When asked how I’m doing emotionally I told my physician that I was really fine but I wish I could cry more to get the sadness out and expressed. Then this morning I went to Tai Chi and the instructor asked, just as part of small talk, if I was having a good summer. I just stared at her thinking I wanted to say, no I am having a terrible summer. My husband is dying and I can’t see straight and I am nauseated and tired all the time. What I said was, “I’m gardening this summer and it’s like a sanctuary.”  Her simple question pushed my sadness button. I was very sad for the first half of the Tai Chi session and struggled to pull myself into the present moment and focus on the movements. But really, I don’t want to stuff my feelings, so I went ahead and embraced the sadness and did the movements. In the end it felt good and right to feel the sadness. It didn’t mean I am not focusing on joy. This experience is inclusive of mind, body, and spirit, including emotions. I joyfully embrace all aspects of this adventure called life.

4 thoughts on “Feelings Embraced

  1. Glenda your stories are heartbreaking. Having never walked in either of your shoes I can only express my desire for both of you to find each and every hour / day the happiness you both deserve. Prayers to both of you and may you start each and every day and close each and every day with a hug with each other. As you do this Jesus will be right there hugging you both.

    Dave Potter

    • Thanks Dave for your comment. I really like the vision of having Jesus right hugging us both. I do feel His presence and know he knows what is around each corner for us. That is a comfort.

  2. Dear Glenda

    So glad you had courage to embrace the sorrow. It reminds me that, rather than being opposites, joy and sorrow are embedded in each other (like yin and yang). In every joy there is an element of the sorrow we feel when the joy is not as present, and in every sorrow is an element of the joy we have had and will have again. You are a blessing!

  3. I have been trying to search for words that would give you comfort and that is not even the right word I like what Peggy wrote. I also saw the posting on Father’s Day. Your life has been one huge swing and back again and each time I wonder how do you remain somewhat centered to even attend a tai chi class or play with your grandkids??? I surround you and Steve with healing light knowing that what is best for each of you and together will be what is.

    Blessings in a hundred different ways to you and your husband

    Sonja

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