Full Time

Well, I completed my first week of school a few days ago. If you are new to this blog, I teach nursing at the University of Utah and started full-time in July. It’s been three years since I had a small tumor removed from my brain, and still have vision and energy problems.  I went from part-time to full-time to prove to myself that I can do it. Plus, I just love teaching. The fatigue that is my companion was in high gear last week. I was able to meditate on campus a couple of times, and that helped. This Monday the fatigue was almost overwhelming. I came home and began to seriously question my decision to work full-time. I went to tai chi and felt pretty crummy. As I practiced the form, I noticed that I was focusing on the fatigue. The good news is that I caught myself thinking negatively and became very aware of how uncomfortable it is to focus on a negative thought or feeling. It sticks like glue.  I said to myself, “Oh yeah! This is the negative thinking I tell everyone to avoid!” I managed to snap out of the funk (I simply started smiling) and went home and crashed on the couch. On Tuesday I woke up feeling great!  I never felt fatigued all day. It was so awesome. I felt “normal.” What a gift. And a mystery, because I can’t figure out what triggers the fatigue or what triggers the energized day.  I learned that it is much more fun to focus on feeling great instead of focusing on feeling crummy. Focusing on negatives seems very unproductive. What’s the point? I also learned that  it ‘s amazing how uplifting and exciting one good day without fatigue made me feel. Now let’s see what the rest of the week brings.

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