I am not a good cook. When my husband Steve was sick, many people brought home-made food to us and I hardly cooked at all for 9 months. It gave me more time to spend with Steve and the family. I was so thankful for that kindness that when I had an opportunity to make potatoes for a friend’s funeral today, I volunteered. I felt good about beginning to pay back what I had been given. I got up early, made the casserole, went to tai chi, then came home and baked it. I got dressed and took it to the funeral, running slightly late. When I deposited the food in the kitchen, I just stood there, with the people who were organizing the food, a little paralyzed. I just could not make myself go into the funeral. I think it’s just too soon, and I would be thinking about Steve the whole time. So in the spirit of not getting upset and interrupting the funeral, I silently wished my friend well and left. So…my big question is: Am I just being lazy or scared, or using Steve’s passing as an excuse not to sit through a sad event? When will I be OK at funerals? Soon, I think, but I’m not going to push it. I’ll just keep making those funeral potatoes and one of these days I’ll stay for the funeral. Baby steps.