Jump!

gene fullmerMy husband and I walk 30 minutes every day. Since the weather turned cold we go to the county recreation center and walk the elevated indoor track. It is located above the basketball court and there are usually teams down there practicing. There is a rail on the inside lane of the track, protecting runners and walkers from going over the side and landing on the basketball court. Interestingly, about 2 weeks ago while we were walking I got a strong idea to jump over the side head first so I could die. Weird! I am not depressed or suicidal, so I knew something was not quite right. I started having suicidal ideas whenever the opportunity appeared. So… I went to see my family physician yesterday and he decided these thoughts were side effects of my anti-seizure medication. He has cut the dose and I feel like that is a good strategy. My big lesson here is that recovery not only takes a long time, but it can be complicated. Medication can cause side effects and I must pay attention to odd happenings. My physician said it was important to keep walking, so I should start walking the mall or other safe place, like Home Depot, or alt least have my husband walk the inside lane. We walked the track this morning and I had no thoughts about jumping over the side, so I hope this weird side effect is going away.

5 thoughts on “Jump!

  1. thanks for keeping us posted. Yes…meds can have that effect….just be cognizant of your true feelings. It is understandable to be frustrated and down with the length of this recovery…that you were not expecting. I would invite you to think about recording your thoughts from the very start to possibly publish a book about this life changing experience. Just a thought.

    peace and blessings to you

    Sonja

    • Thanks Sonja. I am planning to write a book. I started it a couple months ago. It is a challenge with my eyesight, but when my vision clears I will move along with it. I am blogging as a way to keep a record of events and feelings for the book. Your comments will also be very helpful. Thanks.

  2. Hi Glenda, I am so happy you went to the Dr. to check on your junping urges; you are so smart! Have fun walking through Home Depot; it is not my favorite store, but I am all for you staying on the ground floor. Love & prayers, Jeanne

    • Thanks Jeanne. The trouble with walking through Home Depot is that my husband wants to stop and look at all the merchandise! So far we are staying at the gym. My suicidal thoughts have decreased significantly.
      Glenda

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