Sick of Halloween

I really like to focus on positive thinking, but sometimes it is truly OK to embrace sadness and not deny what might be called negative feelings. Acknowledging feelings is important. So here goes: I have been sick with a viral syndrome (congestion, exhaustion, achy muscles, headache, nausea) for SEVENTEEN DAYS. In 20 years of teaching I have never cancelled a class due to illness, but I have cancelled two of them in the past couple of weeks. I am so irritated! As I said in a previous email, I have binge watched “Parenthood” on Netflix, graded papers when I can sit up, and gone to campus twice. I feel awful. I am plagued with guilt. And so bored and lonely! OK, see? I have embraced my feelings. That feels right.
And what about Halloween? Being sick makes me weepy and a big sadness has taken me over regarding Halloween. I miss my kids being little and going trick or treating. For some reason I can’t figure out, I just CAN’T stay home and answer the door tonight. It will just bring back wonderful memories of my kids and I don’t want to answer the door crying all night. And really, I just can’t give them a bunch of sugar, which is so bad for them! When I was a teenager my mom and I would go to a movie on Halloween. But if I do that, I will miss my mom! I never thought Halloween would be something hard to get through. I think the illness makes it so I don’t have the energy to go out with my grandkids, and the illness makes me sad. Not a good combination.  I’ve looked up some things to do tonight and right now it looks like I will attend a religion class. I can just sit there.  It will keep me from wallowing in self pity, and who knows, I might meet some nice people and learn something. Or perhaps I’ll be the only one who shows up on Halloween. Scary!!!

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