The Big Decision

decisionI work part-time due to my health. I have double vision and fatigue, so full-time work has been out of my reach for over 2 years now. On Friday morning I was getting ready for work, doing my usual routine of eating breakfast, biking for 30 minutes, meditating for 20 minutes, reading scriptures for 10 minutes and then showering. In the midst of my getting ready, the thought occurred to me that maybe I can go back to full-time work, I just need to do it. Perhaps I am just stuck in my routine.  I tried to take on more hours a few months ago and the fatigue knocked me out. Should I try again? My fatigue is a bit better. My vision is not any better, and possibly worse. So much to think about. As I rode the train to work I kept thinking about the possibility of full-time work. I decided to decide. I thought about it. I prayed about it. I decided. Even if I fail miserably, I want to be able to say that I gave it my very best shot. I want to prove to myself that I can face this disability and function to my maximum ability, my personal best. I can do hard things. Here’s an interesting note: In an effort to not take responsibility, I thought, “If I run into my supervisor on the elevator, it will be a sign that I should tell her my decision.”  I knew that once I told her, the ball would start rolling because she’s the one who would assign my workload. When I arrived at work she was not on campus yet. I was disappointed. Or maybe relieved. Well it didn’t last long because on my way to teach a class, I got on the elevator and there she was! On the elevator! What are the odds? So I told her my decision and she mentioned a couple of classes that I could teach to bring me up to full time. So the ball is rolling. I will start full-time in January. I am a bit nervous but also know I am doing the right thing. And of course today the fatigue hit hard. Well, I’m going to hit back… OK, I went to bed for awhile, but it felt like hitting back…

3 thoughts on “The Big Decision

  1. Greetings,
    Support, support, support. Remember there are some new coaching jobs coming into being. Talk to me in about 6-9 months. Hugs and love, Linda

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *