My husband Steve and I went to the urologist yesterday to see if he could control Steve’s urinary pain better, and maybe figure out what was causing. His opinion is that it is bladder pain caused by the tumors and stent removal, which is causing soreness and bladder spasms. So he put Steve on stronger pain pills. Steve’s bladder/prostate removal surgery has been cancelled since the cancer has spread to his bones, there is not much for the urologist to do. So he brought up the subject of Hospice care. I never know when my tears are going to drop, and the mention of Hospice brought them out. It hit home to me that Steve’s condition is terminal, he may die from this. I don’t think I have been able to face this head on. On top of which, Steve is not convinced he will die from this cancer, so we’re still relying on faith and hope to get him through. He will see his oncologist next Thursday, and if he decides to decline any treatment, then Hospice is the next step. It seems like a big decision but from what I’ve heard, people in Hospice live longer and healthier than people who refuse Hospice. So I’m all for it. But it really depends on what Steve wants to do.
Meanwhile, we are focusing on joy and building memories. Last night we had a meeting with people interested in buying Awesome Pest Control. It would be great to get that going so Steve can step down as the owner and spend more time relaxing and reading and perhaps traveling, or doing what he wants. Today we are going to a movie, The Cokeville Miracle. Then tomorrow we’ll go to a meeting of the International Association for Near Death Studies where a survivor from Cokeville will speak. That should be interesting. I think it’s about angels watching over us. This morning I took my grandson out to brunch. Very nice. Next week I will go see a clinical social worker so I can talk to a third party about what’s going on, and how I can best support Steve and the rest of our family but also be sure to take care of myself.